Mafioso No-Good Grand Prix
by Tales of Gray Wolf
Summary: Verde has created a competition for the mafia. Tsuna and his last Guardian are in a double death duel against their rivals! Through dirt and through asphalt. Fic is based off a parody, "Vongola GP Kuru!"


**AUTHOR NOTE:** This fic isroughly based on _Vongola GP Kuru!_ (ボンゴレGP来る) by Yamanaka Toshinori, a parody of Amano Akira's _Katekyo Hitman REBORN_. I couldn't remember the kart's names (i.e.: Uristorm G, Natsu Fire X) at the time while writing this, so I threw some names in and it becomes something beyond go-kart racing.

* * *

 **Mafioso No-Good Grand Prix**

In the world of the Mafia, three sets of seven rings were said to exist before time immemorial. The clam, the sea, and the rainbow; amidst that rainbow, to bring color to the world with his bountiful intelligence, and to defeat war and the negative drug culture within the Mafia, a "child" named Verde was said to create a "forth set". A "quad ni set" so it is said. The fourth set didn't require stones; it didn't fit on someone's finger or on a brooch.

To quote Verde: "In fact, the 'quad' term can fit the wheels of a car. Very clever isn't it?"

It was the final turn.

"Go for it Tsuna! Your kart is ready! Lambo is coming in."

" _Waaah!_ Boss!" The baby cry of Lambo screeched from the intercom, equipped inside the helmets of every driver. "It's fast!"

Indeed. The Folgore Ram was a hybrid mini auto, mostly powered by gasoline and an array of batteries. According to Verde, it was not only built big for the friction and endurance, but also like a "crib" to make "Lambo feel a bit of comfort" inside after he expressed fear in going too fast.

"Lambo?!" Tsuna sounded concerned. He was waiting in his car at the Vongola team pit. "Slow down! Where are you? Are you on the band?"

"Umm um, the little stick thingy is on the red part of the circle. Is that bad?" replied Lambo. His innocent tone never showed deceit, which made Tsuna further worried. Why was a child in a deadly race?

"What?! Slow down now! Press on the brake carefully!" He instructed. Eventually, Lambo slowed enough to go into the pit and was removed. Unlike the other karts, the racing committee, after some negotiation with the CEDEF, was considerate enough to bypass the ban for the automatic transmission, and install it inside of Lambo's Ram.

"You little brat! Of course it's going to be fast! Are you going to let down the Tenth!?" Of course Gokudera didn't have any shackles even when remonstrating to a child. "We even gave you padded brakes, now brake next time!" Not only was he frustrated with Lambo's unending childishness, he was also irritated by the fact that his turn had ended. No, he wished he was the 7th racer: The one who would drive with the Sky Boss again during the final seven laps.

The Mafia GP was a true test of endurance and faith in the family. On each World track, there are twenty-eight laps in total. Each team, representing a mafia family, would send out two racers to cover seven laps. Each Guardian must race; however, since the bosses had six guardians, the Sky Boss must go twice to be consistent. At the start of the race, Tsunayoshi Sawada, the upcoming 10th boss of the Vongola, had gone out with his Storm Guardian Hayato Gokudera, the latter insisting that he should go first.

The last racers were Lightning Guardian Lambo and Mist Guardian Chrome, the latter helping the former out of the car. Now, it was Tsuna's turn once again, and he had to finish the race with his last Guardian.

"Ring Ignition!" Tsuna placed the crusted head of his ring inside of the ignition slot, and his vehicle vibrated to life. The instruments and signals on the steering wheel lit up. Tsuna clicked the pedal behind the wheel, shifted into first gear, and zipped off.

The announcer cheered. "And the Mitena Natsu XR, Tsunayoshi Sawada, is out of the pit! Hear its lion's roar from the straightway!" It was a shout out to the gold ornament on XR's front hood. The lion Natsu was always smiling. Tsuna's heartbeat thumped like the engine's vibrations – quick and violently. He pushed the RPMs to the redline, changing his gears like he was taught. The Straightaway was simple. Since the track was a hairpin, however, he had to get ready for that first acute turn at the very top of the track. Then, he heard a voice through his helmet's tuner.

"I'm sorry Tsuna, but I can't hold back."

"Enma?" Hearing the familiar voice, a whisper with a repressed fury, Tsuna tightened his jaw. In his wing mirror, he saw a black car trailing him.

"When the legendary shadow racer D.S performed dirty tricks to raise the Vongola's popularity, not only did he make my father look bad, the crash nearly killed my mother and sister." Enma Kozato's grip on the steering wheel was tight. His heart bore a grudge, teeming with a sense of achievement.

"Still, Mami loves racing," he said. "and I must show her and you that I am true racer. This Terra Challenge V6 will atone for everything."

"Tailing behind Tsuna is V6!" cried the announcer. Tsuna was worried, and pressed his foot down the gas as hard as he could. Now he was up against The Shimon Family's ace and Sky Boss. The two were friends, but Enma's passion was truly real. Next thing Tsuna knew, there was a flash of light behind him, and that black car shot right past him. The V6 was engulfed in rotating rays of energy.

"He entered Hyper Dying Will mode already?!" cried Tsuna. "Why?!"

A skill of the Boss, the Hyper Dying Will, while putting pressure on the driver, unleashed the full potential of the vehicle.

"Tsuna?"

"Huh?" Tsuna heard a transmission from the Vongola line, coming directly from the Pit. "Reborn?"

"Looks like Enma is trying to scare you," said Reborn, Tsuna's teacher, who actually looked like a kid no taller than anyone's knees. "V6 with Hyper Dying Will maximizes its grip and he can easily make the first turn at high gear without slowing down or leaving the road. The acceleration increased to overtake you, but he wouldn't be wise to stay like that for long and wear out the transmission."

"Then, what should I do?" Tsuna asked, now feeling the pressure of facing the Shimon Ace.

On the other line, Reborn smirked. "Just say the word."

"W-what do you mean?"

"Whack him of course."

"Are you freakin' crazy?!" Tsuna bit his lip and shook his head. Wasn't this a sport? Why must someone get killed in a sport!? He would ask those questions constantly in his head. He was reminded over and over that the Mafia races had no rules in defense. Tsuna remembered rebuking Verde's rules, saying that the races should be clean and that the vehicles should "avoid contact.

"I made this while in your diapers, young Tenth." The Scientist had said with a grin. He looked like he had no remorse, like every racer was his guinea pig. "Blocks cause accidents. Not holding the line, pushing, being reckless, all of it causes accidents. So, I'm allowing you to fight with your abilities."

According to Verde, Tsunayoshi officially could use his abilities to destroy Enma's car and remove him as an obstacle. Legally. The young Tenth shook his head.

"No, I'll believe in myself. I'll just to be as fast as him." He said.

"Your herbivore softness will cost you the race," said another voice from the Vongola transmission. A cold voice. "I'll just have to bite him to death."

"The Manetta Cloud 360! Look out!" said the announcer. Down the Straightaway, a black car with violet rear spoilers and highlights closed in on Tsuna. What it lacked in speed, it made up for it in accessory: Cloud Guardian Kyouya Hibari loved to destroy, no rules necessary. He pressed a button on his panel and two large cuffs each attached to a long steel chain were launched. They clamped onto Terra Challenge's rear bumper, dragging the Manetta. Tsuna was passed by his own Guardian, and the Manetta was now following the Challenge.

"Hibari!" Tsuna watched as he was passed. The cuffs restraining V6's bumper was sliding against the road, releasing sparks. Instead of restraining the car, they were being pushed down by Enma's Earth Flames, which had a gravity effect.

"I do as I please." Next, Hibari snapped his fingers, and the handcuffs break off from his car. They suddenly transform into spiked spheres, multiplying and expanding around The Challenge.

"If he won't slow down, I'll just have to crush him to death." Hibari declared with no sympathy.

"At last I have you!" Another car followed, a silver-blue, open-wheeled beast. It was left behind Terra Challenge, but picked up the pace when the driver saw that Enma was in danger.

Adelheid Suzuki, The Glacier Guardian of Shimon was Enma's finest subordinate. Despite her calmness and her title, her red eyes reflected a fiery passion. Her car's ability, the 4x4 Diamond Hyoga, moisturized the wheels' treads to make them cool and slick, even against non asphalt roads. Her traction was almost as good as Enma's. Another ability was leaving diamonds behind her to cause tailing cars to slide against ice; she also had her weapon.

"Die Kyoya Hibari!" At Adelheild's raging cry, two steel fans struck Hibari's Manetta, and its back end began to freeze. The Hyoga accelerated closer and moved in to pass Hibari.

"I want to see your shocked face when you die," said Adel. She looked over to her flank, and saw the Cloud Guardian looking uninterested as ever. It was usual, but it felt different. Adelheid gritted her teeth; an aura of a monarch radiated from Hibari.

"Your fangs are not fit enough to win this race," he said coolly. From the Cloud Manetta's side popped out a tonfa, striking the Hyoga's wheel. Next thing Adelheid knew, her entire car shook violently. She heard rubber bursting; the tonfa hit the front wheel, which then unleashed a barrage of small thorns to take out the other wheels.

"Adel!" Enma growled as he heard his subordinate scream of utter defeat from the intercom. His car was shaking as well, the spiked spheres pressing against the chassis. Thanks to his Earth Flame, the spheres were held at bay using repulsion. The Diamond Hyoga spun out. Also, Hibari's Manetta was making a ton of noise. The ice created by Adel's fan covered the exhaust tail pipe.

"Hibari weren't you hit before?" asked Tsuna.

"So what of it? Now, I'm going after you," replied Hibari.

"W-W-What?!" Tsuna yelled; despite how silly it sounded, he knew that the Cloud Guardian was serious. He had to floor it. "Why do we have to get hurt and killed in this?!"

Now the first turn was on the way. Hyper Mode Terra Challenge V6 oversteered, and did not skid, dragging all around in a near half circle to go down another straightway. It was only three racers left, and the next six laps would have to be like this.

Tsunayoshi Sawada had to chase his rival, while also being chased by his own Guardian. Mitena Natsu XR was being pelted by thorns from the Manetta's tonfa. However, being in so many pinches actually made Tsuna more appealing.

"Hibari, stop stop! Please stop!" He begged through the intercom. Instead of a return reply, he gets an answer from the pit.

"Well, I guess you're into this kind of thing Tsuna," said Reborn. "Being ruined makes you a good boss doesn't it?"

"Don't talk like this is some kind of motivation!" Tsuna, even though he disapproved, spoke with fear in his voice. He really was in trouble.

"You don't think it is?" asked Reborn frankly. "Well, you'll have to die I guess. you will if you don't do anything." Expected from Tsuna's spartan tutor.

"NOOOOO!" Despite being the next boss of the Vongola, Tsunayoshi Sawada cried like a genuine school boy that belied his inner strength. When the last lap ended, there had to be a photo finish. Both Enma and Tsuna in Hyper Mode passed the line, checker flag waving.

It turned out that Tsuna was behind, but he flung past the line after his car swiped one of Hibari's spiked hedgehog mines. Now he stood at the podium, looking completely exhausted and half dead. His clothes and hair were ragged after tumbling with his car. Fingers weak, he could barely keep the bottle in his hand. Tsunayoshi was in the center of the podium; on his right was Enma; the left, the 3rd place, was vacant.

"1st place: Vongola Team!" Everyone cried.

"You did it No Good Tsuna!" said Reborn, jumping onto Tsuna's arm to steady the bottle in his hand. "Drink up. You deserve it, no?"

Tsuna quickly snapped. "What is this? Champagne!? I can't drink this!"

"It'll give you energy." The spartan tutor insisted. His smile never went away. "The energy of a winner."

"I said I can't drink it. Stop!"

Amidst the crowd's wild cheering, Adelheid Suzuki watched quietly form afar; Enma stood on the second podium, and despite her arm in a hanging cast, she showed happiness. Everyone's Guardians were there to praise the winners. There was only one who wasn't there.

As for Kyouya Hibari, little did anyone know, he would beat up the Tomaso Family, preventing them from standing on the podium at 3rd Place. He actually considered on standing at the 3rd spot, but quickly changed his mind. There was no way he would consider himself below the Sky Bosses. In fact, it was Longchamp, Tomaso's Boss, who instigated the fight, after he criticized Hibari's antics during the race. It was more than enough for Hibari to take out the loser team.

"Standing on your 3rd place spot would be shameful." He told them before walking away.


End file.
